Mama S.
04-23-2008, 08:18 AM
5 years ago. My father, my dad, my soul. You had been scalded by a faulty hot water heater and burned severely. You were barely conscious when I found you. Did you know I was there? Could you register anything other than the agonizing pain you were in? YOu were taken to the hospital where they immediately sedated you to complete unawareness. The doctors whispered amongst themselves while I stroked your forehead and talked to you. DId you hear me? You would have been sp proud of me and probably a bit pissed at how I bossed the doctors around and made them take care of you - it seemed that you were an old man and they didn't think you'd make it so why try.
I convinced them to lifeflight you to a burn center. We gathered the troops and made the drive to Atlanta. We even brought your baby Jadaa with us, sneakig her into the hotel and talking about sneaking her into the hospital. Over the course of the next 14 days I was there. DId you hear me talking to you? DId you feel me kiss your forehead and hold your hand? What tiny parts there were that weren't covered in gauze from the burns? Did you hear me whisper how much I loved you over and over again? The doctors commented that your vital signs changed when PJ spoke - indicating that you could hear him and know he was there for you.
14 long days - 2 surgeries for debridal and grafting. Ups and downs. 10 minute visits every hour.
I had to leave you to come home, the stress was taking it's toll and I got sick. I called the hospital to tell them I wouldn't be back for a few days to give me a chance to rest. THey told me the doctor wanted to see us. SO the troops gathered again and off we went.
Monday night - BICU -waiting room. Phrases multi system organ failure - kindeys shutting down. Liver failing. DNR forms... I went to see you again. You were so peaceful - so quiet. Did you know I was there? Did you feel the tears falling on you as I tried so hard to hold it together? You were my Daddy. I couldn't lose you.
Tuesday morning - I walked into your room one last time. I held your hand, I stroked whatever part of you I could find without bandages. I kissed you. I didn't talk, I just listend to the sounds of the machines and the life goin gon around the hospital. I hated that moment. I knew the truth but didn't want to face it. PJ grabbed me and told me it was time to go. I begged I pleaded I tried to make deals with God. Me for you - whatever. I just wanted my Daddy.
We made the long trip home in utter silence. I kept thinking over and over in my mind - were you mad at me? Did you know that I left you to die alone? DId you know just how much I adored you?
4 am wed morning - the phone rang. The fight was over. You were gone.
John S Szot - father, Papa. friend - you were 85.
Until we meet again I still love you.
I convinced them to lifeflight you to a burn center. We gathered the troops and made the drive to Atlanta. We even brought your baby Jadaa with us, sneakig her into the hotel and talking about sneaking her into the hospital. Over the course of the next 14 days I was there. DId you hear me talking to you? DId you feel me kiss your forehead and hold your hand? What tiny parts there were that weren't covered in gauze from the burns? Did you hear me whisper how much I loved you over and over again? The doctors commented that your vital signs changed when PJ spoke - indicating that you could hear him and know he was there for you.
14 long days - 2 surgeries for debridal and grafting. Ups and downs. 10 minute visits every hour.
I had to leave you to come home, the stress was taking it's toll and I got sick. I called the hospital to tell them I wouldn't be back for a few days to give me a chance to rest. THey told me the doctor wanted to see us. SO the troops gathered again and off we went.
Monday night - BICU -waiting room. Phrases multi system organ failure - kindeys shutting down. Liver failing. DNR forms... I went to see you again. You were so peaceful - so quiet. Did you know I was there? Did you feel the tears falling on you as I tried so hard to hold it together? You were my Daddy. I couldn't lose you.
Tuesday morning - I walked into your room one last time. I held your hand, I stroked whatever part of you I could find without bandages. I kissed you. I didn't talk, I just listend to the sounds of the machines and the life goin gon around the hospital. I hated that moment. I knew the truth but didn't want to face it. PJ grabbed me and told me it was time to go. I begged I pleaded I tried to make deals with God. Me for you - whatever. I just wanted my Daddy.
We made the long trip home in utter silence. I kept thinking over and over in my mind - were you mad at me? Did you know that I left you to die alone? DId you know just how much I adored you?
4 am wed morning - the phone rang. The fight was over. You were gone.
John S Szot - father, Papa. friend - you were 85.
Until we meet again I still love you.