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Mama S.
04-23-2008, 08:18 AM
5 years ago. My father, my dad, my soul. You had been scalded by a faulty hot water heater and burned severely. You were barely conscious when I found you. Did you know I was there? Could you register anything other than the agonizing pain you were in? YOu were taken to the hospital where they immediately sedated you to complete unawareness. The doctors whispered amongst themselves while I stroked your forehead and talked to you. DId you hear me? You would have been sp proud of me and probably a bit pissed at how I bossed the doctors around and made them take care of you - it seemed that you were an old man and they didn't think you'd make it so why try.
I convinced them to lifeflight you to a burn center. We gathered the troops and made the drive to Atlanta. We even brought your baby Jadaa with us, sneakig her into the hotel and talking about sneaking her into the hospital. Over the course of the next 14 days I was there. DId you hear me talking to you? DId you feel me kiss your forehead and hold your hand? What tiny parts there were that weren't covered in gauze from the burns? Did you hear me whisper how much I loved you over and over again? The doctors commented that your vital signs changed when PJ spoke - indicating that you could hear him and know he was there for you.
14 long days - 2 surgeries for debridal and grafting. Ups and downs. 10 minute visits every hour.
I had to leave you to come home, the stress was taking it's toll and I got sick. I called the hospital to tell them I wouldn't be back for a few days to give me a chance to rest. THey told me the doctor wanted to see us. SO the troops gathered again and off we went.
Monday night - BICU -waiting room. Phrases multi system organ failure - kindeys shutting down. Liver failing. DNR forms... I went to see you again. You were so peaceful - so quiet. Did you know I was there? Did you feel the tears falling on you as I tried so hard to hold it together? You were my Daddy. I couldn't lose you.
Tuesday morning - I walked into your room one last time. I held your hand, I stroked whatever part of you I could find without bandages. I kissed you. I didn't talk, I just listend to the sounds of the machines and the life goin gon around the hospital. I hated that moment. I knew the truth but didn't want to face it. PJ grabbed me and told me it was time to go. I begged I pleaded I tried to make deals with God. Me for you - whatever. I just wanted my Daddy.
We made the long trip home in utter silence. I kept thinking over and over in my mind - were you mad at me? Did you know that I left you to die alone? DId you know just how much I adored you?
4 am wed morning - the phone rang. The fight was over. You were gone.
John S Szot - father, Papa. friend - you were 85.
Until we meet again I still love you.

areese
04-23-2008, 08:25 AM
Oh Sandi,
I am so sorry you had to lose your father that way.
:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Tex
04-23-2008, 08:27 AM
Ok Mama, I know the title of the thread and the forum it's posted in should have made me have the kleenex ready, but I seriously could have used a "tears will be streaming down your face" warning here........And yes, I have to believe that he heard you and knew how much you loved him.

:candle2: for your daddy......

bsquared
04-23-2008, 09:00 AM
:hug99: Oh, Mama. I'm so sorry for your loss. No doubt your dad is with you each and every day. :hug99:

Rae
04-23-2008, 09:03 AM
Ain't no pain like losing your Daddy.
Love you, Mama... :hug99:
and I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.
He had to be one helluva guy to have a young'un like you.

Jen
04-23-2008, 09:03 AM
I seriously could have used a "tears will be streaming down your face" warning here........

Me too! I'm so sorry for your loss Sandi, and in such a terrible way. :candle:

He raised one amazing daughter, and I'm sure he knew it.

Two Red Smooth's
04-23-2008, 09:47 AM
:hug99: to Mama

lotsadox
04-23-2008, 10:00 AM
:bighug:

TheDoxieHaus
04-23-2008, 10:10 AM
:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Barb
04-23-2008, 10:35 AM
Oh my gosh - I am just bawling.... your daddy knew you were there, have no doubts - he felt you there with him. Picture him waiting at the Bridge to welcome the furry friends that you have to send up there. He will be watching for you when it is your turn. Hugs to you -

ebmw1975
04-23-2008, 11:10 AM
:hug99: :hug99:

oceangirls
04-23-2008, 12:16 PM
Of course your daddy knew you loved him! :hearts:

:hug99: for you (and for Jadaa :) )

Linus
04-23-2008, 01:00 PM
:hug99: :hug99: My thoughts are with you.

K2
04-23-2008, 01:42 PM
:sad1: I have no words right now....:hug99: My thoughts are with you....

michelehbc
04-23-2008, 02:20 PM
Oh, Mama...:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Opaleyz
04-23-2008, 02:21 PM
Your hurt reminds me of my hurt. Your story reminds me of my dad's story. They were and are dearly loved, and dearly missed.

:candle: :candle:

:sad1:

Otto'sMom
04-23-2008, 03:39 PM
You never truly lose the ones you love, and your heart never truly gets over the loss. You just learn to see them in your life around you, and your heart learns to keep beating through the pain. True, it may lessen, but the echo of the pain will always be there until you are reunited in spirit, and you will be reunited. The bond between you is not broken, just stretched a little further now. Celebrate his life and love with your life, by doing good (which you do) and spreading love (which you do). The world is a better place for having you in it, and he is the reason that you are here. I regret his passing wasn't an easy one.

Alex's Mom
04-23-2008, 08:23 PM
For some things there just are no words. :hug99::hug99::hug99: Sandi.

Rileybugg
04-23-2008, 10:21 PM
:hug99: :hearts: :hug99:

Teddysmom
04-24-2008, 02:33 PM
You never truly lose the ones you love, and your heart never truly gets over the loss. You just learn to see them in your life around you, and your heart learns to keep beating through the pain. True, it may lessen, but the echo of the pain will always be there until you are reunited in spirit, and you will be reunited. The bond between you is not broken, just stretched a little further now. Celebrate his life and love with your life, by doing good (which you do) and spreading love (which you do). The world is a better place for having you in it, and he is the reason that you are here. I regret his passing wasn't an easy one.
Couldn't have said it any better. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: to ya Mama!

Anatresia
04-24-2008, 04:47 PM
Oh, Mama. I'm so sorry!!! :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

bittyup
04-28-2008, 06:00 PM
Mama I am soo sorry. I still think of my dad and feel his presence every day.:bighug: :candle:

Kerie
05-11-2008, 01:06 PM
:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

Mama S.
04-23-2010, 12:24 PM
and never have to experience what I did. I go day to day and sometimes don't even remember to think about you. Then I wake up the crushing pain of remember losing you.
Kiss the ones you love today - you just never know.

vferraro99
04-23-2010, 12:31 PM
Mama,

This is the first I've seen of this post, and I'm so, so sorry you had to lose your Dad this way. He's okay now, hon, no more pain.

I swear I'll change to a [waterless] edit - I mean tankless water heater as soon as I can afford one.

Barb
04-23-2010, 12:57 PM
and never have to experience what I did. I go day to day and sometimes don't even remember to think about you. Then I wake up the crushing pain of remember losing you.
Kiss the ones you love today - you just never know.

:bighug:

puppylvr
04-23-2010, 04:55 PM
Thinking of you. :hug99::hug99::hug99:

areese
04-23-2010, 05:01 PM
:hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99:: hug99:

LexieLuvr
04-23-2010, 05:19 PM
I am so sorry. I still miss mine terribly, also. :hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99::hug99:

bittyup
04-23-2010, 05:44 PM
You never truly lose the ones you love, and your heart never truly gets over the loss. You just learn to see them in your life around you, and your heart learns to keep beating through the pain. True, it may lessen, but the echo of the pain will always be there until you are reunited in spirit, and you will be reunited. The bond between you is not broken, just stretched a little further now. Celebrate his life and love with your life, by doing good (which you do) and spreading love (which you do). The world is a better place for having you in it, and he is the reason that you are here. I regret his passing wasn't an easy one.


:bighug::hug: I am sooo sorry.He definitely raised a wonderful daughter. I still miss my dad so much too.

Anatresia
04-23-2010, 05:50 PM
:hug99::hug:

Claudine
05-13-2010, 09:05 AM
We all do the best we can in horrible situations. Your daddy knows you loved & cared & did all you could. He KNOWS. Mama, I have never truly lost my parents, although they are gone. God has blessed me by putting them in my dreams at night. So often I dream of one or the other of them; I get one more visit; one more talk with them. These dreams are truly a blessing from above & you'll have them, too. Be courageous, Mama...we're all here for you.:hug99::hug99::hug99:

RustysMom
05-13-2010, 09:14 AM
I am so sorry for your loss! Im glad he had a last good day with fun and friends. :candle9:

silverselkie56
05-13-2010, 12:50 PM
Dear Friend. Your Dad knows how much you love him - never doubt that.
I am sending :bigrayz::bigrayz: :hug99::hug99: to you.