From Laura (long)

[laura]

to my DLC family,

I am so grateful for all your posts. I KNOW in my heart that you ALL KNOW exactly the depth of this torture. So I am reaching out to you all now.

As most of your know, while we love all our furkids, there is one that is so distinctively unique. That was Harold. He was the STAR in our household. Our world revolved around him.

I am not sure exactly what happened Monday night with the fall...I know he hit concrete as that balcony leads down to a walkway. The "episode" he had later on Tuesday turned out to be his heart and the beginnings of congestive heart failure. We ended up taking him to the emergency vet Tuesday night. We left him there for tests. Before we could get all the way home, they called and said he was in acute heart failure. We raced back. I had this horrible feeling when I left him there for tests that I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE HIM. I said it to Todd over and over. Of course, now I feel that by leaving him I caused it to come sooner, but I am trying not to focus on that. (hard though)

When we got back, He was in an little cage that was a oxygen tank. He was sitting, his head hanging, drool coming out, sitting in pee and he was desperately trying to catch his breath. I freaked out seeing him like that. The vet said he had to stay in there, but there was a hole where I could put him hand in to touch him. I was fighting myself not to crawl in there, as it killed me not to be able to hold him.

The prognosis was terrible and the vet told us if he did not stop laboring for breath, it meant he could not clear the fluid and he would go into cardiac arrest. Todd and I were bawling and both had our arms squeezed through the hole touching him. He little bald ears were cold and I just wanted to warm them up in my hands.

He was very frightened and had a desperate look in his eyes. He watched our every move like a hawk. We were mortified and felt very helpless. We knew we could not let him go on like that, yet we also felt his intense desire to stay with us. Finally we could take it no longer. We signed the release and she brought Harold out to us and put him in my arms in a blanket.

Dear family, he did not go easily he fought and kept trying to lift his head and stay with us. I wanted to go with him...I still do. when he finally could resist no more, he died.

I have never in my life experienced anything so intensely devastating and I truly did not know if I could go with my life at that moment. I feel that way right now.

Todd and I are tortured by his passing and so very concerned about his soul because of his resistance to go. I have been praying non stop for him to find Tiny, find the Rainbow Bridge. But if you knew Harold, and most of you do through the book and through me, he was a fighter and the most stoic little dog I have EVER Known.

Yes, he had an enlarged heart! It was full of love, fearlessness, bravado and he was our protector! He truly thought of himself that way! He did not want to leave us because it was his job to protect us,...from coyotes, from big Stupid labs, from an obese goat who dares to come in our house through the dog door, from strangers who come to the door, from contruction workers, to evil Jose who comes to clean the horse pens.

So my friends, I need your help to pray for Harold, to let him know that it is ok to go to the Bridge. I dont' mean to burden you with any weirdness but I feel in my heart that he won't leave us and feels he has to stick arournd. I want him to be happy, healthy and to know that he will forever be our protector. I think he needs a bit of help to know it is ok to go now. And as long as he see Todd and I suffereing, he won't go. does that make sense? All of this is driven from my deep inner feelings, and my lingering sense and fear from the way he passed.

I knew Tiny was there (heaven, the Bridge) when she passed. I don't have the same feeling about Harold. (yet)

Please talk to Harold in your prayers...tell him his momma and daddy want nothing more than his happiness and well being. We miss him and he was our mightly little protector and we thank him and honor him.

thank you for listening to me. If I sound "off" , well, I guess I am.


Love, Laura

PS. Harold was the ring bearer at our wedding in 2004. He feel asleep in my maid of honor's arms and snored through the ceremony. Here is a picture.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e319/forhrss/WendyDog.jpg

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e319/forhrss/Actuallymarried.jpg

[Jen]

Oh Laura, what hard last minutes you had with him. My heart aches for you. Hopefully all of the other puppers already at the bridge will help him find his way over to peace, to a normal heart, to live free. You did the right thing letting him go while you could still hold him in your arms. I think all animals & humans are scared at the end, its natural, to leave all that you know.


:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: There are no words to heal the void, only time. Hold your other puppers tight today, maybe it Harold sees that, he'll know they'll be there to comfort you.

[Chrystyna]

I will pray for him!

[Rae]

Oh dear Laura. my heart is breaking for you. I can't imagine how much you hurt, and I don't think you are weird at all. The intense love you feel for Harold is just as natural as breathing.

We here at DLC are a bit animal-crazed, but when a life is as blessed by love like yours was with Harold's, the grief that comes with his passing, especially such a tragic accident, must be overwhelming.

We love you, we love Harold, and we will pray that he finds the peace to let go and know that mommy and daddy will be OK. What a brave boy, to be so stubborn as to insist on continuing his duties as protector! ! How noble!

congratulations on being so blessed as to have him in your life for as long as you did.

[Linus]

Oh Laura, my heart is aching for you and your family. Your DLC family will do everything we can to help ease yours and Harolds pain. Please know that all of you will be in my prayers. I am lighting a candle for him right now.

[Michelle]

OH Laura,
I will pray so hard :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray: that Harold crosses the bridge and lots of hugs to you and Todd :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:
I'm so very sorry you had to experience such a difficult ending for Harold.
My thoughts are prayers are with all of you right now!!!!!!!

[Da Brat]

Oh honey!! I just wish I could come give you a great big hug!! I truely can feel your pain!! When my neighbor came to let us know that Rotten (my first cat and the love of my life) had been killed by another neighbors loose dogs I was a wreck! I kept blaming myself for not being there to save her when she needed me most, then I made myself sick with grief thinking about how terrorized she must have been in those final moments! To this day (it happened last Sept.) I still find myself thinking about her and I just start to cry! I miss her horribly and always will!
I will keep you and Harold in my prayers that he makes it safely to the bridge!!

[K2]

Oh Laura, Harold and your entire family have been in prayers. I will be sure to send special prayers his way. :pray: :pray: My heart is breaking for you.

[Frzframe]

I truly know how you are feeling with having just gone through the loss of my mom and dad's beloved Emily. When I was reading about what Harold was going through it took me back to what Em went through because it was so similar. She too was a fighter and when it was her time she didn't go peacefully and that is what makes this so hard. We all still get very upset and cry at the drop of a hat when we talk or think of her but I think that's part of our healing process. I know when it comes time to make such a hard decision it's always the right one no matter if you decide to wait or let go. I'm sure he knows you much you loved him and is at peace, without pain and suffering and for that he is thankful just like our Emmy dog. To give them that peace is the greatest gift we can give them. :hug99:

[catstamm]

Oh dear sweet Laura.....your little man Harold has found his way. :angel7: Please pay close attention and watch for it through your grief he will send you a sign....I promise! They all send a sign and a thank you for a wonderful life w/ you..........Harold is free from pain and he is still your protector and by your side......please believe me :hearts: :hearts: Harold wants to see you smile again
If there is anything I can do to help you w/ your pain ....I'm not to far away..... even if it's a hug

[alfina]

Oh dear Laura...

I am sitting at work here crying after reading your post. I so know this feeling. Christmas Eve 2005 our sweet Rumble passed away. We too left him at the emergency vet except I didn't get to see him die. We got a call in the morning 30 min after I was told he was doing fine. He was gone. I felt and still do feel so guilty about leaving him there by himself. I should have known, I should have stayed. He shouldn't have been alone when he crossed over the bridge.

Big hug to you Laura and your husband. It is a very tough time and slowly it should get better. That's what I keep saying to myself.

[JanUet]

Laura,

I have tears in my eyes and a huge void in my heart. Like i mentioned before I feltlike I have known Harold aka Marble man for years.
Just reading your book about him made me smile. He was such a tough little man. From Fighting off the coyotes, Jose and your Wonderful house cleaner to rolling in Goat poop and the dreaded alligator stare.
He was a dachshund of all traits and a MASTER of them all!

You gave him a wonderful life! Please reflect on that!:hug99:
I will hold my pupperz tightly tongiht with one hand and have your book in my other hand. I will, WILL Harold to see the light and go to the bridge.

I'm glad that you and Todd were with him in his final moments...Just like Harold to put up a fight! :hug99: :hearts:

Look Harold Look! Look at all the other pupperz at the Bridge that YOU can give the Alligator stare to!!!! Run Little Marble Man Run! Your Free and Remember Mommy, Daddy and all of us at the DLC :love5: you! :hearts: :muchlove:

[Michelle]

I keep crying as I am reading all of these.....

[Almost Doxie]

I am new here and I didn't get a chance to know Harold through you but I am so sorry. Since I read your post yesterday about his accident and then his passing, I have been thinking about you. What a terrible loss. I know that Harold will find his way across the bridge to wait for you. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Losing a dog is just about my worst fear. When we adopted Millie they told us she was 5-6 years old. When my vet told me she was pretty sure it was more like 9-10 years old, I just about burst into tears. I had just lost 4-5 years. I know I just have to love her the best I can while she is here and be happy with what I have. I just can't imagine life without any of them. Thank goodness they are always with us and wait for us on the other side. I will say a little prayer to help Harold find his way.

[Courtney]

Oh Laura. I read this right when you posted and couldn't respond because I was crying. And I was at work and about to head into a meeting!! I just read it again and am crying again. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, and there really are no words except to say that we are here for you for anything you need....and you are not weird at all...I don't know how I am going to go on after Napoleon does. He is the star of my house too. :hug99: :hug99:

[Tanya]

I am so sorry Laura. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. :bighug:

:pray: for Harold. :angel7:

[Lisa]

My dear Laura, I read this at work and bawled, read it when I got home, bawled some more and now with tears still in my eyes I just want to let you know that we all adored Harold too, you made him a part of all our lives.

I am so sorry you had to go though all of this and although I would love to tell you time heals all - reality is, it doesn't. I just hope that with time the pain of losing him minimizing somewhat so you can remember only the fun, happy, joyous, loving times.

You are the best Mommy being with him all the way to the end. We do understand your pain and we are here for you.

:bighug:

[Red Haired Girl]

Please don't do this to yourself. You were both there with him when it mattered the most, holding him and loving him. Harold knew that his body was wearing out and that he couldn't stay in it any longer. I believe that his spirit has been freed, and that he is only visiting with Tiny at the bridge. Harold will find his way back to you when the time is right.

In the mean time he will let you know he is with you. He will come to you in your dreams and in your thoughts as you go about your day. You will find gentle reminders of him in little things that you see or do. These things will be Harold saying "Hello mom, I love you"

You will continue to hurt, but as the days go by your emotions will be less and less raw, you will start to heal and be able to remember the joy that was Harold. When this begins to happen, when you can think of Harold and not shed a tear, but instead smile, Harold will come back to you.

You and yours are in my thoughts.
Tracy

[Fluffy]

Laura you and your husband are in my thoughts and :pray:ers. Making the decision you had to is never easy. Though it is the right thing to do knowing that surely does not make it any less hard. Four years ago, this August we made the decision to help our Beloved Ben cross the Bridge. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So hard infact, I got to my parents, played with him a bit got a few final pictures with him and turned aruond and went home. I couldn't face the thought of being there when he passed. The pain DOES ease, in time. It may never go fully away, but it will ease. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Ben...a funny memory or see him flying his ultra-light plane around at the Bridge. That helped/helps me through to this day. Think of one of Harold's favorite things and envision him doing it at the Bridge. Maybe then he will feel more ready to cross over. I will be :pray:ing for him and asking Ben to help guide him to the Bridge. We are here if you need us. :hearts: :bighug:

[jenfer]

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: to you and I am so sorry for your loss. I will be :pray: for Harold.

[AnnMarieK]

I am still crying from your post...you were a great mom to Harold..of course he fought to stay. I do beleive when he realized it was his time he finally let go and is happy and healthy waiting for you. You had him in your arms as he crossed over...how could he not feel the love.:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

[lizzieb38]

:tissue: :candle3: :candle3: I feel so bad for you. Know how hard it is to lose a pupper/furkid. He's found his way to a better place with all of the love you gave him. Now he's taking care of you, so nothing bad happens.:pray: :pray: :hearts: :hearts: to you both.

[Goob]

Look Harold Look! Look at all the other pupperz at the Bridge that YOU can give the Alligator stare to!!!!

Think of how many friends he can give the Alligator Stare to? Oh Laura, like the others, I opened your post at work and got teary and had to wait and respond until now. A couple of other girls in the office have also read the book you sent me and were very saddened to hear of his passing. :hearts: :hearts: All our love is with you in this terrible time. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

[oceangirls]

Thank you for feeling you could share that story with us:hearts: . I hope you will start to replace some of those painful visions in your mind with memories of his sweet face and happy times.

I do not have much experience with religion, but I do feel there is a soul or a spirit that is a separate entity from the body... and I do think there is a Rainbow Bridge. My Tristan left us very suddenly, like Harold, and that night after he was gone, I talked to him - I told him how much I loved him and how much it hurt that he was gone and asked him to help me deal with it :) I really feel he did, and I think he helped us find our girls. So I will ask him to look out for Harold at the "Bridge."

[lotsadox]

Laura, my heart breaks for you. We all love all our dogs, but there is always that special one the worms his way farther into your heart than all the others. I had one of those that I lost in 2001. It was the hardest time of my life. I know how you are suffering. Harold would not want you to suffer so much for him. You and Harold will definitely be in my :pray: :pray:

[LUVMYGUNNER]

Maybe you can contact a pet psychic. My daughter ran into one at a Hay and Feed in Tucson and she told my daughter that one for the dogs we had is roaming her house--it has to be the basset we lost in 1989 he died within a few days of getting sick. Michelle loved that dog and took care of him. She said he is the reason she is having dicipline problems with Chapo. She did say that something can be done to put them to rest.

[Laurie' s Dachshunds]

I know you are feeling terrible now. I know what it' s like. I watched my Sammy taking his last breaths & it was hard to stand there & not be able to comfort him!
I know you are mising him & you feel sad.Please think only of the way you loved him & the way he loved you. Don' t think about his passing & dwell on the "loss". OK? He will always be with you & in your heart. Reflect on the good times in your life. Remember all the fun times 'cos thats what he wants you to do! Talk about him often.
Please don' t ask, What If? See him in Heaven, on the Bridge!!!
He is there!!! We will all be here for you & hope you will share with us things that you remember & hope you feel love in your heart as you tell us about it!

[Helen]

I will be praying for Harold and your family tonight. He will find his way to the Bridge. :hug99: :candle::hug99:

[Alex's Mom]

Oh Laura, I've taken so long to reply to this post because it's brought back such bad memories of Maxe's crossing. Like Harold, she went into accute congestive heart failure in the evening, and I spent her last night holding her upright, trying to will breath into her lungs. I rushed her to the vet the next morning in the faint hope that giving her oxygen would ease her suffering. It did only long enough to let me get there from work at lunchtime. She also struggled to stay with me, but in the end, she relaxed and crossed peacefully, with me holding her and Alex snuggled up to her. I so understand what you're feeling...the doubts about whether or not it was really his time, and if you did the right thing. But as time passes, and you think of how much he was suffering, even as he tried to stay with you, his poor brave soul needed to be released. Did he cross the bridge right away? I can't answer that. But I can tell you that Maxe made herself known after she died...I've posted elsewhere about her staying with us for almost a year afterward; both Alex and I saw her a number of times. Then eventually it happened less and less and I knew she was on the other side of the bridge happily lying in the sun, sniffing the wind until we cross to be with her. Harold isn't gone, he's just not with you in a physical form; you did do the right thing. He'll be with you, in your heart and mind, forever. And don't be surprised if you see him out of the corner of your eye, in a shaft of sunlight or trotting through a door, giving the labs the Alligator stare, or if you hear the sound of licking! Watch your other guys closely too...animals see with their hearts, far better than we do, and they'll probably greet him on occasion. :hearts: :hearts: I'm thinking of you, and am here if you want to talk. :hug99: for you and Todd. It WILL get better.

[HotDogMama]

:hug99: Laura, I am so sorry for you and your family, I will pray for you, your family and Harold to make it to the bridge soon, you are not wierd for feeling that way, you have to deal with Harold's passing in your own way, and you will feel it when the time is right, I will keep Lois and Clark, Henry, and sweet Herman in my thoughts too, I'm sure they miss thier brother deeply. I wish you the best, and please take care of yourself. I love what Becca said about imagining Harold doing something he loved at the bridge, maybe it will help.:hug99:

[AgileOllie]

Your words are so powerfully difficult to read, but so necessary. I know that pain. I know how you feel. I know that must sound impossible, but I hope it helps to know that there is a small group of people who feel and have felt exactly the way you do.
You must not blame yourself. I will pray for you and for him. :pray:


to my DLC family,

I am so grateful for all your posts. I KNOW in my heart that you ALL KNOW exactly the depth of this torture. So I am reaching out to you all now.

As most of your know, while we love all our furkids, there is one that is so distinctively unique. That was Harold. He was the STAR in our household. Our world revolved around him.

I am not sure exactly what happened Monday night with the fall...I know he hit concrete as that balcony leads down to a walkway. The "episode" he had later on Tuesday turned out to be his heart and the beginnings of congestive heart failure. We ended up taking him to the emergency vet Tuesday night. We left him there for tests. Before we could get all the way home, they called and said he was in acute heart failure. We raced back. I had this horrible feeling when I left him there for tests that I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE HIM. I said it to Todd over and over. Of course, now I feel that by leaving him I caused it to come sooner, but I am trying not to focus on that. (hard though)

When we got back, He was in an little cage that was a oxygen tank. He was sitting, his head hanging, drool coming out, sitting in pee and he was desperately trying to catch his breath. I freaked out seeing him like that. The vet said he had to stay in there, but there was a hole where I could put him hand in to touch him. I was fighting myself not to crawl in there, as it killed me not to be able to hold him.

The prognosis was terrible and the vet told us if he did not stop laboring for breath, it meant he could not clear the fluid and he would go into cardiac arrest. Todd and I were bawling and both had our arms squeezed through the hole touching him. He little bald ears were cold and I just wanted to warm them up in my hands.

He was very frightened and had a desperate look in his eyes. He watched our every move like a hawk. We were mortified and felt very helpless. We knew we could not let him go on like that, yet we also felt his intense desire to stay with us. Finally we could take it no longer. We signed the release and she brought Harold out to us and put him in my arms in a blanket.

Dear family, he did not go easily he fought and kept trying to lift his head and stay with us. I wanted to go with him...I still do. when he finally could resist no more, he died.

I have never in my life experienced anything so intensely devastating and I truly did not know if I could go with my life at that moment. I feel that way right now.

Todd and I are tortured by his passing and so very concerned about his soul because of his resistance to go. I have been praying non stop for him to find Tiny, find the Rainbow Bridge. But if you knew Harold, and most of you do through the book and through me, he was a fighter and the most stoic little dog I have EVER Known.

Yes, he had an enlarged heart! It was full of love, fearlessness, bravado and he was our protector! He truly thought of himself that way! He did not want to leave us because it was his job to protect us,...from coyotes, from big Stupid labs, from an obese goat who dares to come in our house through the dog door, from strangers who come to the door, from contruction workers, to evil Jose who comes to clean the horse pens.

So my friends, I need your help to pray for Harold, to let him know that it is ok to go to the Bridge. I dont' mean to burden you with any weirdness but I feel in my heart that he won't leave us and feels he has to stick arournd. I want him to be happy, healthy and to know that he will forever be our protector. I think he needs a bit of help to know it is ok to go now. And as long as he see Todd and I suffereing, he won't go. does that make sense? All of this is driven from my deep inner feelings, and my lingering sense and fear from the way he passed.

I knew Tiny was there (heaven, the Bridge) when she passed. I don't have the same feeling about Harold. (yet)

Please talk to Harold in your prayers...tell him his momma and daddy want nothing more than his happiness and well being. We miss him and he was our mightly little protector and we thank him and honor him.

thank you for listening to me. If I sound "off" , well, I guess I am.


Love, Laura

PS. Harold was the ring bearer at our wedding in 2004. He feel asleep in my maid of honor's arms and snored through the ceremony. Here is a picture.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e319/forhrss/WendyDog.jpg

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e319/forhrss/Actuallymarried.jpg

[Mama S.]

Laura had sent me the cutest button with his picture on it! I'm from a family of fire fighters and when we lose one, they take black tape and tape thier badges out of respect. I did the same thing with my button. I've worn it every day and it gives me no greater joy than to have someone ask me about it and I get to share his story.
Harold - you were Mama's light on earth - now journey forward where Omi awaits you at the bridge. She'll let you sit on the furniture, eat all the treats you want and will generlly spoil you rotten until one day we meet together. Until then, know that we hold your Mommyand Daddy very close to our hearts and will take good care of them for you. I'll even send her a tape of Shadow snoring. I mean no disrespect to your life - I celebrate it and all the love and laughter and joy you brought!
Mama

[doxiechick]

I am just seeing all of this. Laura, I am so sorry, I know you and hubby and the rest of your animal familyhave a hole in your heart that will be hard to fill.

Harold knew you loved him and was not ready for him to go.Try and remember that he IS at the Bridge and is waiting on you. He will be a young, healthy guy running around, so excited when he sees you.

Big cyber hug for you and your hubby during this difficult time.