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  1. #1
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    Exclamation Not scared, but a little freaked out Kind of long

    I joined the Army in 1995. I was very young, and very niaeve. As I tell this next part, please believe me when I say I shudder at the thought that follows.

    I met a guy that I sort of liked and we sort of "hit it off." It was a stupid relationship really, and it was all part of growing up and making mistakes that everyone has to make. It was a big mistake. He was nice enough, but just wasn't right for me.

    Well, that was in 95. In 96, I met Miguel and fell in love with him. I broke off the long-distance relationship with the other guy because I knew I was going to marry Miguel. He was my soul mate! Miguel and I got married in Dec of 96. The other guy- lets call him Joe- kept calling and sending letters to my mom. I'd changed my name, so I felt confident that he couldn't contact me. Well, in97, I was getting ready to go to an Army School and was at the PX buying supplies. In walks Joe. He was supposed to literally be on the other side of the country. I was in WA state and he was supposed to be in NY. He didn't speak to me, and I saw him only briefly, but I'm almost 100% pos it was him.

    In 99 Miguel and I went to Korea for a tour of duty. It was a year long. About 2 months into our tour, I was at church with Miguel, and got a very strange feeling. Joe was sitting right behind us. I am 100% sure it was him. He was at church every Sunday and just happened to be everywhere I was at just about any given time. At this point I wasn't sure he was still in the Army. I did some research and his name didn't come up for him to be in Korea.

    In 2000 my mom called. She said she'd gotten another letter from Joe. We ignored him.

    In 2001 I got an email from him saying he was just checking on me and wanted to see how I was. I ignored it.

    Well, yesterday, I got another email from him. I have no idea how he knows my last name. I don't know why he's still tracking me down. I sent the email to my best friend and she's going to email him and tell him to leave me alone. I don't know where he is. I guess that's what's so scary. How do I know he's not reading this message right now, knowing I'm on this board? How do I know he's not looped into every other part of my life?? Maybe he's just trying to be nice and see how I'm doing, but after ignoring him so many times, why doesn't he just get it?

    I'm not trying to be mean, at all, I just don't want to disrespect my husband by replying to him. It may give him the idea that I'm interested, no matter what I say.

    Please say a little prayer for me these next few days. I'm not scared of him, but I am a little freaked out. The relationship meant nothing to me, and I regret it so much.

    Very strange, indeed.

  2. #2
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    tonya, that is desconcerting. However, you are handling it properly. BTW, Does DH know about these contacts from him?
    Laura
    http://www.dogdialogues.com
    "I live in a cartoon"

  3. #3
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    Oh, Tonya. That is scary! I would start keeping a record of all the times this guy gets in contact with you. That way if anything happens, you can get a restraining order quickly. (Not trying to scare you, but better safe than sorry.)

    I think you're doing the right thing by ignoring him. Don't encourage him at all, even by telling him to go away. Have you told Miguel about all this, just so he's alerted to the problem?

    I hope this guy FINALLY gets the hint and goes away for good. I'll be thinking of you!
    Helen and Charlie
    Please be his pup pal!

    "Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by laura
    tonya, that is desconcerting. However, you are handling it properly. BTW, Does DH know about these contacts from him?
    He sure does. I don't keep anything from him. To be quite honest, that's one of the reasons I have two large dogs. He wanted to get a gun, but I HATE guns. (Yes, I know I'm an Army Girl, but I hate them in the house)

    He doesn't like being away at nights like he is. He asked me to sleep in the living room surrounded by the dogs LOL

    He may be over reacting a bit though LOL He wants to kick the guy's butt.

  5. #5
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    OMG Tonya!! You're handling this SOOOOOOOO much better than I would!! I'd be freaking the flip out!!! that Joe finally takes the hint and leaves you alone!! Please, keep us updated!!!
    Becca and always in my heart Heidi and Buddy


  6. #6
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    I don't have any advice for you, but I agree with everyone else that you need to be very careful!! You might want to ask someone else who is "in the know", but perhaps an email to him making it VERY clear that you want NO further contact from him (including your mother.) That way, if he continues, you have proof that you told him to stay away and he refused to listen. :pray: for your safety!
    Lee Anne, Ruckus, Rowdie, Greyson, & Cayenne
    Foster Buds Always in Our :hearts: : Zipper, Tyrone, Gracie, Rosie, Tommy, Froggy, Hunter, Lowla, & Vader
    www.2ndChanceDoxie.com

    Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. ~ Kahlil Gibran

  7. #7
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    So sorry to hear that you have to deal with this!!!! ITA with everything people have posted already. Sending some extra coping !!!
    Tex, loyal servant to...

    -----Julie----&------Jax------

  8. #8
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    Great that you are letting Miguel know about it. And others around you. The best thing to do is continue to ignore his attempts at contacting you and keeping others informed of the 'weird' feeling you get when this guy tries to contact you.

    When you can, keep records of his emails and/or efforts to contact you. And also of you replies or forwards to your friends and family.

    Hope he is just hard headed and will get the idea soon.

    Hoomom to Cricket ~ Red Smooth 'tweenie'


  9. #9
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    omg. I was stalked by an ex finace after i left him... and the best advice I have is go with your gut. your gut will not steer you wrong. If you get that weird feeling, check it out.

    ITA that you should tell every one you know who knows him that you do not wish to have any further contact, and it might not be a bad idea to let your CO know what is going on.

    :pray: for your safety and your nerves during this trying time.
    Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Wagoner 1993-2012.
    Happiness is a warm puppy ~ Charles M. Schultz
    Named Savannah Jane ~ Rae Wagoner

  10. #10
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    Definitely let your CO know what is happening. I think that the Army can put a lid on his activities a lot better and faster than civilian courts can. Civilian courts don't want to trample on stalker rights, so don't do anything until you are either dead or injured. Army is a lot more into discipline and expect their personnel to act correctly all the time.

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